


Things Your Boyfriends Now Know

by Hoodedscarlet



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Anorexia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoodedscarlet/pseuds/Hoodedscarlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan replies to Michael's note.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Your Boyfriends Now Know

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Things my boyfriends don't know](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1992849) by [legalizemavin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/legalizemavin/pseuds/legalizemavin). 



> This is what happens when you get so angry at a fic you need to change it.
> 
> Please read 'Things my boyfriends don't know' before reading this!

Things your boyfriends now know.

1) Why you wear that damn beanie.  
It was a cold morning the day when you first wore the beanie. Ray was wearing that god awful sweatshirt of his again, Geoff looked like a marshmallow with all the layers he was wearing, even Gavin who doesn't even feel the cold most of the time had a jacket on - and you know that when _he's_ cold its fucking freezing.

And Michael, do you even know how cute you look in that beanie? How _couldn't_ we comment on it?  
How couldn't we say that we love the way it makes your curls stick out? The way your beanie tried so futility to contain your hair? How many times has Geoff pulled you over during movies just to stroke your curls? How many times has Ray nuzzled into them to go to sleep? The only thing cuter than your bed head in the morning is your smile - but with those sinfully red curls it comes pretty close.

We thought you wore your beanie again because you agreed with us.

2) Why you're so angry.  
Because when your heart is cradled in fear, even the smallest shadow can seem like a mountain.  
Because when we banter and its just the six of us its like nothing else in the world matters because we have each other. Each and every one of us still can't believe that you want us, that you _love_ us. That you wanted to be there with us when the hype of the day died down, when Gavin doesn't want to talk, when Geoff wants a bit of peace and quiet, when Ryan wants nothing more than to cuddle for an hour or two. You fit in so effortlessly Michael, and you don't have to speak to be seen by us.  
You were never second best.

3) Why you wear a sweatshirt everyday to work.  
We thought it was because its been cold. Because despite the fiery anger pumping through your blood you've always run on the cool side. I've cuddled you to sleep too many times for you to claim otherwise, so don't even think about it.  
You'd never seemed self-conscious about your weight before either; we'd seen your wear singlets and t-shirts and jeans that were tight on your hips because that was the way they were made. We didn't put the clues together - we didn't know.  
We thought the sweatshirt itself was just a phase; like those converses Ray wore until they fell apart, those ghastly yellow underwear that Geoff wouldn't stop wearing until they went 'mysteriously' missing. (I'm not telling him if you aren't, although I think burning them was going a little bit too far. Gavin sure got a kick out of that though.)

Of course we found it weird you were wearing it all the time - but how could we talk when we were covered in blankets as often as you wore that sweatshirt? When you pushed us away we thought you only wanted space to curl up in the plethora of blankets you had collected. Winter isn't kind here in Austin, and we all know its never been kind to you.  
It wasn't the only unkind thing, it seems.

4) Why you're so pissed off.  
Because you always get grumpy when you don't eat enough. Remember when you were so hungry you couldn't focus on that Let's Play edit? You looked about ready to throw your keyboard at the wall - considering you've thrown your Xbox out the god damn window before can you really blame me for stepping in? (Okay, we both know it was a joke for that one video - but you've come close to doing it for real a few too many times.)  
Remember that I basically threw you in the car and we went down to Subway together? You called me a 'fucking asshole' but I don't think you were as angry as you were confused. And really? That was one of the best afternoons of my life with all those stupid jokes and flirty comebacks we kept throwing at each other, back when we were both only just realizing what 'sexual tension' meant. Somehow, even in the midst of that, as we sat in our booth you managed to chow through a foot long and three cookies - I can count on one hand how many times you've done that with Geoff's cooking and you adore the stuff.  
Remember how we both agreed that your mood right then was the reason you eat something decent before coming to work?

I do.

(And when you starve yourself to the point where your ribs stick out like xylophone keys and there are sharp angles in all the wrong places, I'd be pretty pissed off too.)

5) Why you dropped the Jersey accent.  
We thought you were just finally adjusting to the world that surrounded you. That from being away from your accent being used day to day, yours was finally wavering. A terrible excuse, I know - Gavin's living proof that isn't the case. But how else were we supposed to explain how quickly your voice had changed? Sometimes I still hear it when you yell during Rage Quit, if I'm lucky. I wish I'd known so I could have talked you out of it - I wish I hadn't brushed off the change as quickly as I did. You seemed happy. (You're good at doing that.)  
I didn't know how much I'd miss it until it was gone - I don't think any of us did.

I don't think I'll ever know how to truly apologize to you for any of this.

6) Why you're a ball of fucking fiery rage.  
Because you're broken and hurting. Because we couldn't see the signs that our Michael was breaking inside. Because we made the worst mistake we ever could've. We assumed.  
And we assumed you were okay.

7) Why we can't survive without you.  
Because running into the room to see you with a gun to your head was the worst thing I'd ever seen. Seeing the resignation in your eyes, the way it barely faded when you saw our faces. How your eyes sunk like you were a child, a nuisance, a nothing and by god you are more than 'nothing' you are gorgeous and powerful and passionate in a way I can't put into words and if that qualifies you as 'nothing' then nobody in the world deserves to be 'something'.  
Because needing to talk that fucking gun to the floor I- we thought we were going to _lose_ you Michael, shit. Our co-worker, our friend,our lover, our boyfriend. Knowing you were so fucking close to death... I swear to god if Jack hadn't gotten a bad feeling during lunch we could of-  
The only thing more terrifying than what we actually saw is what we could've seen if we were only a few minutes later.

(Shit, my hands are still shaking writing this.)

Because holding you in my arms and feeling the sobs shake you until an earthquake rocked your body I realized how little I still know about you and how much I want to change that. Because feeling your grip so achingly tight on my shirt as I rocked you until your throat was raw and your eyes were red made me realize that you didn't want this just as much as I didn't. You only did it because you thought it was your only choice.  
But it wasn't. It isn't. It never will be.  
  
We're so sorry.  
I love you, _we_ love you, and we will get through this.  
Together.  
  
Yours, now and always  
  
James R. Haywood  
and your boyfriends.  
  
P.S. Geoff moved his gun to the safe. He thought you might appreciate that.


End file.
